most_unwanted | [Voice/Action]

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[Voice/Action]

[There's a squelching sound of someone falling into a very muddy area. Then that someone curses under his breath, followed by the distinct sound of some very angry toads who he's disturbed. Many of whom also curse along with the general annoyed croaking.]

Hello? Who's there? Who said that? Scully, are you with me? Can you hear me? SCULLY!?!

[There's a pause, and more muddy squelching. And more grumpy voices in the background as Mulder appears to have fallen into a whole clan of toads. He seems to take this in stride though, thinking aloud as he tries to gain his bearings. He picks up the book that's near him and eyes it curiously. It's very out of place here, but he's already drawing his own conclusions.]

Let me guess. I've finally been abducted by aliens. I knew it was a matter of time, but somehow I always assumed the experience would involve less falling face down in the mud, and more probing.

Not that I want any probing, I'll pass on that opportunity.

So now the question is- aside from where the hell are my real clothes- where am I? My theories include afterlife or parallel dimension, maybe a mix of the two with a dash of government-initiated kidnapping thrown in. It's not every day you wake up in someone else's clothes with wings sprouting out of your back for no reason. Wings that hurt like a bitch when I pull on the feathers, I might add.

[Yeah he already tried that. Is it really any surprise he's already tried that?]

So what's going on here? Who's responsible for this? Was I subjected to an experiment of some kind? Kept imprisoned as a test subject and cast off to the wilderness as soon as they were done with me? Is this Russia? It better not be Russia. I didn't have such great accommodations the last time I went there.

[...and is it just him or are ALL of the toads in the area looking ready to gang up on him? He's deciding he's overstaying his welcome here. Time to get moving. In some direction. So Mulder can be found hurrying the rest of the way through the woods and into town. He's covered in mud and followed close behind by a whole bunch of very disgruntled toads.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Depends. Do you want the long version or the short?

As much detail as you can.

[It's better he finds out everything he possibly can NOW. Mulder's got a hunch kicking in that it's all about to get a lot worse somehow.]

...But if you're about to tell me we are in the afterlife, I'm going to demand a return ticket.

Come on -- at least let me deliver the detail on the way to getting you somewhere close to cleaned up.

[ she turns to the opposite direction of where her patrol was taking her. ] And no, I'm not about to tell you this is heaven. So far from it.

[Mulder takes off with her, hoping she's not about to hit him with "but it IS Hell"... not that he really thinks that's the case. He's got a hunch it's not.]

A change of clothes and an area with cell phone reception both sound pretty good about now.

[Oh, wait. He has no phone. :(]

...or change that to somewhere with a phone, there's someone I need to get in touch with.

[If he can just talk to Scully, he can sort this out somehow. Even if she's bound to wonder WTF and assume he's hallucinating.]

No phones. Just the journal -- and it only does in-house calls.

[ she keeps an even pace for him. ] Luceti's an enclosed village where we're all stuffed into. Think of it like a bit rat maze.

[So much for THAT option for reaching Scully. He'll have to find some other approach.]

And we're the rats? For what purpose?

The scientists are trapped here, too. Experimenting on us so they can try and figure out their own way home. It's way twisted.

Then we're trapped in a village with a bunch of mad scientists? Sounds like the plot to a bad movie I watched last week. [He considers a moment.] So then why the wings? Is this part of their plan somehow?

The wings are basically genetic camouflage -- I think. That's what the doc calls it, only with more curse words.

He must be a real charming guy. [Mulder glances over at her. He has to wonder just how safe it is around here.] Not to get too sidetracked, but what's with the axe? That really doesn't look like it's used for chopping wood...

You can't be too careful, here. It's...self-defense?

[ a poor excuse, but she's not sure she wants to own up to patrolling. ]

[Takes another careful look at her, and the axe, trying to figure that out. He has that feeling there's something to that.]

Defense against what?

Va...[ hmm. a rookie. maybe she should be gentle. ] Vandals. I hate vandals.

[There's something in how she said that, he's just going to let it rest in the back of his mind for a while.]

You need a weapon like that to fend off against vandals?

[He looks around warily.]

...Look, if there are monsters of some kind in this forest, I'd like to know.

[ wetting her lips. ]

You believe in monsters?

Oh, I know they're real, and not only because I've encountered them.

[Stepping along carefully, and he's starting to get excited about this, being held captive aside.]

So what's out here? Bigfoot? The Yeti? Moth Men? Werewolves?

[ she may have just breathed a sigh of relief. it's always easier when people believe. ]

There's a werewolf, but not the kind I'm used to. Jury's still out on the other things you asked about, though. We've got something of a vamp problem and enough magic-users to choke a really, really large horse.

That many supernatural entities, all crammed into this enclosure. It sounds like I've come to the right place.

[A place where evidently people will BELIEVE HIM, from the sounds of it. Despite the very strong imminent threat in all of that, there's some part of him deep down that also kind of wants to celebrate.]

When you say you're 'used to' werewolves... are you saying you've hunted them before? What line of work are you in?

Hunted is a little harsh considering they're usually plain jane human the other twenty-eight nights of the year. [ she readjusts her grip on the scythe with a slight sigh. ]

You're...not going to accept the I'm a guidance counselor line, are you?

I can't say I disagree, I've met more than a few supposed 'monsters' who are more human than most humans. Though I'm guessing you're as much a guidance counselor as I am a circus midget. [He glances at her.] Actually... I'm an FBI agent who investigates unexplainable cases involving the paranormal.

Hah. I guess...I'm mostly the same, minus the official paycheque. I'm a vampire slayer.

[ this delivered with a kind of tentative honesty; she is watching for his reaction. ]

A vampire slayer... [Mulder's definitely geeking out about this, not even he runs across this job description much.] I'm going to assume there's a good reason you're using the axe instead of the typical wooden stake. Do the vampires around here exhibit nontraditional weaknesses?

[ she reaches behind her, dragging a stake from her back pocket. ]

I always have one with me. Always.

Good to know. [Mulder nods approvingly.] I can't say I've taken down many vampires myself, but in my experience they're a real pain in the ass to go up against. [It also would have helped if everyone else at the time had believed the guy he'd staked was indeed a vampire.] ...How does one become a vampire slayer, anyway?

Not many still implies some. [ she eyes him, still cautious. ]

It's kind of a sucky lottery deal, to be honest. Chosen one. One girl in every generation.

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